True healing v. band-aid application

Photo Credit: Neal Fowler (Flickr)

Photo Credit: Neal Fowler (Flickr)

Crisis, in some form or another, takes a swing at all marriages. No marriage is exempt from heartache, disappointment or malcontent. What a crisis looks like will vary from couple to couple. How each couple handles the crises (yes, more than one crisis) that come their way will vary. When wounds from a crisis leave deep, painful gashes, more than a bandage is in order.

Your wound may be from your partner lying to you about something incredibly important. Your wound may be from being belittled by your spouse on far too many occasions. Your wound may be a personal loss for which your spouse was unable or unwilling to provide comfort. Your wound could be betrayal from a sexual affair. In any case, in order to heal, it’s important to dig deep and search for true healing, moving beyond the surface “fix.”

In healing from a sexual affair, for example, the couple has to start from the presumption that infidelity doesn’t begin with sex, it results in sex. Keeping this starting premise in mind, a couple can’t help but dig beyond the reason for the extramarital sex and unearth all the small crises (wounds that are both personal and marital, from childhood or more recent) that may have led to the sex. That kind of digging results in long, arduous, painful and NECESSARY discussions that can lead to a true healing for both parties.

When crises come your way…and they will, look beyond the quick fix. Dig deep and attempt to achieve true healing. It’s an emotionally vulnerable place to be, but discovering what’s beneath (sometimes FAR beneath) a crisis is a sure-fire way to move beyond the immediate “symptoms” and build intimacy with your partner.

If you’re dealing with a marital crisis, seek to achieve deep, meaningful healing. A band-aid simply covers the wound.

Share this on...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on TumblrShare on Google+Pin on PinterestPrint this pageEmail this to someone

About Lori Mitton

Lori Mitton is a licensed clinical psychotherapist (MA, LLP) specializing in marriage and family therapy. She is co-founder of Permanent Passionate Partnership.