Posted in Intimacy

Routine is an intimacy killer

photo credit: pboyd04 (Flickr)

photo credit: pboyd04 (Flickr)

Are things so routine in your marriage that you’ve become TOO comfortable with your spouse? Are you SO comfortable that you feel as though there is little, if anything, to talk about? Don’t get the wrong idea, when we know our spouses well and have indeed become comfortable with just BEING in their presence, sometimes silence and/or simply sitting with one another without words being exchanged is perfectly fine; however, far too many couples have a yearning to do something, anything on a Friday or Saturday night rather than sit and watch television…again. BUT, they simply don’t. It’s easier to stick with the routine or the comfortable than to take the time and effort to engage in something that’s out of the ordinary.

Even on a tight budget, couples can spend some time together that is far from routine. After putting the kids to bed (if you’re still in that phase of life), spread out a blanket in the living room, crack open the cheese and crackers, pour a glass of wine (there are relatively cheap options out there) and simply talk…about anything enjoyable. Maybe your talk can be about your dreams and aspirations. If your kids are old enough to fend for themselves (or you’re empty-nesters), go on a bike ride or a walk. Window shop. Do anything that isn’t the norm. You can even try something adventurous or what seems to be really out of the box. The possibilities are endless.

You may find that the plans you made and followed through with didn’t suit one or both of you, but that’s not really a problem because you tried it TOGETHER and TOGETHER decided it simply wasn’t your cup of tea. Whether you discover or rule out a new pastime, you’ve elevated your intimacy as husband and wife, which is ALWAYS time well spent.

Discover a new pastime TOGETHER. What have you got to lose? 

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About Lori Mitton

Lori Mitton is a licensed clinical psychotherapist (MA, LLP) specializing in marriage and family therapy. She is co-founder of Permanent Passionate Partnership.