Lori’s Story

Bob and I married young (or so we were told) and I blissfully walked through our short honeymoon phase. We were what everyone considered to be a happy couple. I felt carefree. I felt like a grown-up. After being raised in a conservative home, wherein as a 22 year old engaged woman, I had a curfew…of 11:30, I welcomed my newly acquired freedom.
Two years into our marriage, my mom passed away. I was very close to her, so losing her was devastating to me. I never truly processed it…not even with Bob. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, Bob was experiencing his own crises regarding his career, our church and the loss of dear friends. He was empty and hurting. I never understood just how affected he was. We had become mere roommates, but once our daughter came along, that became more evident. What little intimacy we had was strained. At the time, however, I felt it was a natural course of events…what people go through when children arrive. I poured myself into our daughter, paying little attention to Bob or his needs. I was blind to his dissatisfaction, but we carried on quite well…or so I thought. Everyone, including me, saw a happy couple with a beautiful little girl.

Life went on seemingly well, until I heard devastating news that I never thought I would hear. Bob confessed his affair to me one fall afternoon. The initial feeling is hard to explain, but getting repeatedly punched in the gut would probably have been less painful. I felt like I was spinning out of control and was more angry than I ever knew I could be. After throwing things and threatening to kick him out of our home, my anger turned to sadness and I had many questions without answers. I didn’t have any answers, but God did. Because of God’s power and presence, I slowly gained the ability to see Bob’s repentance and began to forgive him.

Over time, we built a far better marriage than we ever had prior to the affair, or ever imagined possible. God helped us recognize our mistakes and build better habits. We became intentional in making time for each other, listening to each other’s hurts and triumphs and putting one another’s needs ahead of our own. A turning point for me was when I began to see MY role in his affair. While I didn’t ask him to cheat on me and wasn’t to blame for his adultery, I played a role in his dissatisfaction and needed to become a better wife and lover.

WE needed to build our marriage from the ground up and with God’s help we did. Our crisis birthed a passion in me to go back to school and God laid out a path for me to go through a graduate program that specialized in marriage and family therapy. Bob’s love and ongoing learning of theology combined with my knowledge of the field of marriage has given rise to our ministry, Permanent Passionate Partnership. We’re so excited to turn what we’ve learned into a resource for other men and women who engage in this remarkable institution called MARRIAGE.

Share this on...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on TumblrShare on Google+Pin on PinterestPrint this pageEmail this to someone

About Lori Mitton

Lori Mitton is a licensed clinical psychotherapist (MA, LLP) specializing in marriage and family therapy. She is co-founder of Permanent Passionate Partnership.