It’s time for a marriage checkup

photo credit: dumbledad via photopin cc

photo credit: dumbledad via photopin cc

Just because you haven’t had an affair or choose not to nag, doesn’t mean you’re not damaging your marriage. Avoiding transparency is damaging. Carving out too little time for each other is damaging. Demanding your way is damaging. Not expressing what you need is damaging. Lacking respect for your partner is damaging. Avoiding sex is damaging. Hopefully, you get the picture.

You may engage in these damaging activities (and/or others) in such subtle ways that you’re completely unaware of the ongoing damage. You may firmly believe that things are going quite well between the two of you…and they might be, BUT occasionally taking the temperature of your marriage is important and may help you in stopping damage, that when ignored, can cause even greater damage.

To that end, HONESTLY ask yourself the following questions:

Am I completely vulnerable with my spouse, sharing my deepest, most intimate thoughts and needs? If not, why not? (…and do I allow my spouse to safely share their deepest, most intimate thoughts?)

Do I allow outside activities to interfere with time I could be spending with my husband or wife? Are there things I could say “no” to, so my spouse takes top priority in my day? Do I ever avoid going home to my spouse?

Am I able to be “wrong?”

Do I respect my partner?

Do I avoid sex, conveniently finding something else I’d rather be doing or thinking? If my problem is a physical one, have I done what I can do to improve my sexual health, which would improve my marriage?

Do yourself and your marriage a favor, and take its temperature.

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About Lori Mitton

Lori Mitton is a licensed clinical psychotherapist (MA, LLP) specializing in marriage and family therapy. She is co-founder of Permanent Passionate Partnership.