Inside Out

photo credit: bradleygee via photopin cc

photo credit: bradleygee via photopin cc

We all have an inner dialogue in which our brain is processing and evaluating our current situation, analyzing  cause and effect, and making decisions. There are times when we’re more aware of this inner dialogue, but it never really stops.

Especially in conversations with our spouse, it’s important to know when to bring that inner dialogue out into the open.  If we make assumptions, especially negative assumptions, about our spouse’s motives and intentions without their input, we’re headed for trouble. We need to voice those concerns to our spouse and check our assumptions. Otherwise, we run the risk of making bad decisions based on flawed information.

These conversations aren’t easy and need to be handled with care by both spouses. No one enjoys having their motives or intentions questioned. The alternative, however, is much worse. Jumping to conclusions about our spouse is unfair to them, and completely short-circuits the process of building intimacy. Left unchallenged, these assumptions fester and create bitterness that wreaks havoc on our relationship.

Beyond possibly voicing the assumptions in our head, we also need to be aware of the subtext that affects our assumptions. Things like our spouse’s body language can negatively affect what we’ve decided to believe. While this analysis is perfectly normal, we need to be aware of it, understand how it may be shaping or affecting our assumptions and make that a part of our dialogue with our spouse.

Try to be more conscious of your inner dialogue and recognize how it is affecting your relationship. Know when to express those thoughts to your spouse. The alternative is keeping all your assumptions locked in your heart and mind. You can’t build a solid marriage on assumptions.

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About Bob Mitton

Bob Mitton is an application development manager and teaching pastor at Central Church (Madison Heights, Michigan). He is co-founder of Permanent Passionate Partnership.