God’s perfect mate for you
I saw a great tweet from Tim Keller recently:
Some people are really, really the wrong person to marry. Everyone else is still naturally incompatible.
— Timothy Keller (@timkellernyc) July 15, 2014
This is so true. People tend to worry far too much about “compatibility” whether it be sexual, emotional or intellectual compatibility. People are not naturally compatible. They may have a natural attraction, but attraction is not compatibility. Compatibility is a choice, you much choose to be compatible with someone.
In fact, I don’t believe in the idea that God has “The One” all picked out for each of us. I know I’m challenging evangelical tradition, but hear me out. Looking for and expecting someone to be “The One” for us turns marriage upside-down. It starts with the assumption that marriage is all about us and our desires. The key to marriage is not finding “The One”, they key to marriage is striving to be “The One” for someone else. It’s about choosing to prioritize them above ourselves (Philippians 2:3-4).
When trouble arises in a marriage, too many people start thinking “I married the wrong person,” that somehow they missed “The One.” This kind of thinking prevents real growth and change. It short-circuits God’s intentions. God is not in the business of making our life easier or helping us avoid trouble, He’s in the business of transforming us into the image of Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18). Obstacles and difficulties are the engine that drive our transformation, and marriage provides plenty of those.
A successful marriage is not made when two compatible people find each other or when they find “The One” God chose for them. A successful marriage is made when two people commit to becoming “The One” for their spouse no matter what it takes. Don’t be concerned with whether your spouse is “The One”, concern yourself with being “The One” for them.