Posted in Intimacy

Are you married to your best friend?

Photo Credit: Richard Foster

Photo Credit: Richard Foster

Imagine any relationship wherein you can safely express how you REALLY feel, fearlessly be your true flawed self, engage in mutually enjoyable activities, laugh with one another, comfortably sit with one another in silence and one in which you truly look forward to being together. Now imagine all of those relationship qualities, but add one more quality…the ability to have sex! Now that’s a satisfying relationship.

Marriages can start off feeling as though they’re friendLY, but the couple members don’t necessarily see their spouse as their best friend. Even if one does consider their spouse their best friend at first, sometimes the friendship portion of the relationship simply isn’t nurtured as couples move out of their more newlywed-like, emotionally connected days. Spouses may not invest in their marriage in the same way they invest in their platonic relationships. But, making this same investment in your marriage can be SO rewarding.

Let’s not get caught up in the semantics of this. You may be a woman who’s thinking, “But, I have a best girlfriend AND consider my husband my best friend.” Those two relationships fulfill different needs for you and IF you’re investing in your marital friendship by going on dates, laughing together, having conversations in which you deeply connect and more, then you’re in a good place maritally. Having a close relationship with a girlfriend isn’t necessarily a problem. Being more emotionally intimate with that friend than with your husband IS a problem. The goal should be to always put your marital friendship first and do so by being deeply intimate in emotional and cognitive ways as well as in sexual ways.

Is your spouse your best friend? If not, what’s preventing that from being the case?

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About Lori Mitton

Lori Mitton is a licensed clinical psychotherapist (MA, LLP) specializing in marriage and family therapy. She is co-founder of Permanent Passionate Partnership.